Vanstone: Virtual draft disaster was a 'steak' through the heart

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“Whaaaaaat?!”

Come the second round, when I had planned to choose a receiver, I “selected” a running back — Kenyan Drake of the Arizona Cardinals.

“Huh? (Censored)!”

On and on it went. My poor wife, seated nearby, seized the opportunity to go for a walk … to Pittsburgh.

I sent out a panicky message to the group, inquiring as to what was going on. Afellow TVFFLer replied by asking if my draft page happened to be set on “Autopick.”

Uh, yeah …

How did THAT happen?

By that point, I was drooling and sweating and emoting. A typical day in the life.

“I have gone this far with Autopicks,” I, er, reasoned, “so the entire team can be Autopicked, for all I care.”

I slammed shut my laptop and watched baseball on TV.

The pouty protest lasted a half-hour, at which point the puerility subsided and curiosity prevailed.

I logged on, perused my roster, and noticed the absence of a quarterback.

It was Round 7. Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers was available. So I clicked off Autopick, personally drafted Rodgers, congratulated him on the great honour, and prepared to stock the rest of my team.

Round 8 arrived. I decided to pick a defence. Problem: I was stuck on the “QB” page. I could not click on “DEF.”

My temper flared, as did my nostrils.

I clicked on Autopick, shelved the computer once again, and wept.

“How can you be so technologically dense that you don’t know how to run a fantasy football draft online?” CKRM’s Mitchell Blair wondered.

“Was this your way of silently protesting the fact that the draft was done online and not in person? When the draft is done in person, you are immature, boorish, and you try to disrupt everyone from the task at hand.